I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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