his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize