I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
