it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
