the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
