Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
