I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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