Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize