sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
