Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
