kristin has been a bad kristin
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My liver is preforming stress tests.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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