i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
