Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
