i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
