i was born a porn star she said
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
