In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
