I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It was like giving head to a cactus.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
