I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Randomize
