I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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