just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
