so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
