You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
