Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
