Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
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