can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
