i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
