I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
How's work?
Spinning.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize