Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Randomize
