omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
