Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
