The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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