thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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