I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
