Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
