I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
