I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
