is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
