He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize