I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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