When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
