She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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