How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
