you win again, gameday.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
