I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My dick has a subreddit
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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