I wanna passion pit in your ass
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I party with great urgency now.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
