he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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