You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
