I will die if light touches me.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
