In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize