im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize