Me. At least after what I've been through.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
