you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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