Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
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