he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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