yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
