So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
we made out on top of his cat.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
