We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
