Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
