i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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