in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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