how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
