so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We are two peas in an std pod
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
