So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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