the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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