she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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