Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
