i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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