Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
