Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
