just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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