My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
