theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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