My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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