I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I didn't notice because vodka
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
