My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
