Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
