I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
