he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Dick very happy bro
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
