...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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