last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
