i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
