The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
