on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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