I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
