remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
