You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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