I feel like I'm in dance class right now
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
