I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
