Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
