Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
