So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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