Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
