So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
