Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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