you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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