Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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