Someone shit on the floor
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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