I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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